Cultural Catastrophe
by Yurutono
Summary: Each member of Aqours left on their own to visit the countries of which they were voted to represent. Will the result end up being respectful and appropriate? No. Of course not. Written for my girlfriend c':


Lengthy excursions worldwide had left the member of Aqours tired. Many of them were left battling jet lag, especially Yoshiko, who was nursing a "right blasted 'eadache" at the same time as fighting off sleepiness in the middle of the day.

Fortunately, some of the members had gotten off unscathed, including Kanan, and they were the first to tell their stories of the countries they had gone to. This had been a task set by Dia in an attempt to allow each member to get more culturally involved. Of course, not many members had actually done it. Although, it appeared that Kanan may have gotten more involved than any of the rest of them.

Dia got concerned when she brought up a 'shoey'.

"Okay, so, it's where you pour a drink into your shoe-"

"That's disgusting."

"And then you drink from it."

"... I didn't think it could get any more disgusting and it did." Dia sighed, rubbing her temples.

"Mate, it's culture."

"Ah yes, the fine culture of Australia," Mari snickered sleepily, still clad in a novelty oversized cowboy hat she _refused_ to take off.

"Land of the convicts they is, they is!" Yoshiko proclaimed suddenly, "Shipped 'em there in 1788 to 1868 we did!"

"Yoshiko… Whilst I appreciate you put effort into learning history, you're not British. Stop speaking like it."

"Speakin' like what guv'nor?"

Dia groaned and rubbed her face with both hands. She knew this would be a bad idea. Especially when Mari tried to rodeo You and was subsequently bucked off.

"I nearly died, I think. A bogan asked me for a durry and I had no idea what he wanted, so I shouted 'Steve Irwin!' and ran."

"Steve Irwin, zura?"

"Wha- Okay, I can excuse Hanamaru not knowing who he is, but…" Kanan looked around the room, greeted by blank stares and shrugs, "I'm ashamed in you all."

"So… Who's Steve Irwin?" Chika asked, confident that Kanan wouldn't kill her for this transgression on the basis they were childhood friends.

"Only one of the greatest men to ever walk the earth."

"Descriptive." Riko deadpanned, rolling her eyes. Then she rested her head on the table with a resounding thud. Jet lag.

Kanan nearly glared, before letting out a lengthy sigh, "He did a load of wildlife stuff on TV and he loved animals. Killed by a stingray barb during filming. I would've smashed a duzza with him outside a Woolworth's."

" _What does that mean."_ Dia hissed, exasperated.

"I have transcended from the language of the Japanese, Dia. I have obtained a higher understanding of Australian culture. I am now one with Coles Supermarkets."

Just as Dia wanted to cry in despair, You saved the day with Chinese dumplings, bless her.

"Hey, Chika, do you wanna see something great?" Mari whispered just audibly enough so that Dia could hear as well. Chika only nodded with a stifled laugh.

Mari cleared her throat, cracking her knuckles and adjusting her cowboy hat, "Hey, You!" A smirk grew on her face as You turned her attention to her, "Tank man photo!"

"How dare you."

"Xi Jinping isn't that great either." Riko said, voice muffled by the table as she raised a hand.

"... _How dare you."_

"Please do not provoke any kind of disagreements with China."

"Like China would pick a fight with America." Mari said with a content smirk on her face.

You opened her mouth to say something, before Dia cut it off, "Stop trying to provoke China! I mean You!"

"Wait…" Hanamaru suddenly sat up from her sleep. She didn't have jet lag, she was just tired.

"What is it, Hanamaru-chan?" Chika asked, tilting her head.

"Where's Ruby-chan?"

"Her flight's due back at three."

"... It's five o'clock, zura."

" _What."_

Dia had been so preoccupied with keeping the rest of them in check, trying desperately to translate both Kanan's and Yoshiko's newfound accents and dialects, she had completely forgotten about _her own sister._

Dia checked her phone for any sign that Ruby had tried to contact her, but there was nothing. Which either meant that she was somehow still in Korea, or that there were no problems and she was on her way there. Maybe her flight was delayed? There was no way to text or call her if she was either on the plane or still in Korea, but surely she would have at least _texted_ to let her know she was safely back in Japan.

"She should be back from North Korea soon, right?" Chika asked, tilting her head.

Kanan, Mari and Dia exchanged worried looks, "Erm… You mean South Korea, right, Chika-chan?" Kanan asked delicately, whilst Dia looked like she was about to spontaneously combust.

"What? That's the one that's threatening missiles, right?" Chika asked, looking to a face-planted Riko for support.

"No that's… That's the wrong Korea," Mari shook her head, "Ruby-chan didn't go to North Korea, did she?" She raised an eyebrow at Chika who shrugged.

"She might have done."

"This is not a shrugging situation!" Dia shouted, slamming her hands down on the table and standing up, "Are you aware what kind of a place North Korea is?!"

"North Korea and South Korea can't be that different, right?"

" _Yes. Yes they can."_

"Alright, Dia, calm down, we don't know if she's actually there or not."

"Bloody hell…" Yoshiko mumbled, "She is."

"Steve Irwin preserve us…"

"So you mean to tell me," Dia said in a disturbingly calm tone, "That my sister is currently within one of the most controlling dictatorships in the world."

"Is your hearing all bollocksed up?" Yoshiko responded in the least tact way possible.

Unfortunately, this appeared to destroy what little patience Dia had left. School had to be closed for a few days due to the damage caused.

Meanwhile, Ruby was doing surprisingly well for herself, after _somehow_ managing to overthrow the current dictator and lead North Korea into a new era. But she couldn't help like she was forgetting something. Or some people, specifically. Oh well, if it was that important, then she would remember at some point.


End file.
